BBBAAADDD week!

This has been a really bad week! I have been srtuggling with everything! My kids are making me feel crazy...I can't stop crying...and the knife weilding man is taking up perminent reisidence in my house. I HATE feeling this way. It is so hard to feel like you have no control over your thoughts and feelings. And it is so frustrating when there is no one who understands...especially my husband. I love him very much, and I know he loves me, but he just doesn't and can't understand. It has been a very trying week with Rachel...she hates taking her medicine and fights it everyday. I wish she could unserstand how important it is for her to take it everyday. WHY is it okay for me to stop and her not to? I understand how not taking my meds affects me....she cannot!

Have you ever felt like destroying something? That is so how I feel right now. Can you sense how scatterbrained I am right now? My thoughts are just random thougthts and feelings. I wish they made sense to me.

I hope this works!

Hi there~

I am Anne and I have anxiety. I have been "dealing" for 10 years, and I have 5 family members who "deal" as well. The closest to me is my daughter Rachel. She has been "dealing" since she was 7. She is now 10 1/2. I decided to try a new form of medication for myself. It is to write my feelings down in a blog. A blog that can be shared with people I know, and don't know, who "deal" with the same things I do. WOW! It is so strange to think about this being read, or maybe not read by family and friends. Most of you know about my anxiety, but a lot of you may not. I call my anxiety "fear-based anxiety", meaning that I get anxiety from my fears...and none of the fears are real. What does that mean? That I fear things that have not ever happened, or that are not happening. I have a main fear I call... the "knife-weilding man". I have a nightly fear, that as soon as the lights go out, the "knife-weilding man" is in my house and he is going to hurt me or my family. I know, it sounds COO-COO huh! But this is my life. I have other fears as well, like when my husband Paul is late home, that he is hurt...that doesn't sound that strange to some of you, but it becomes an obsession to me. I start imaging the cop at the door to tell me he is dead. Then I start planning his funeral. How will I act? What will I say? It doesn't stop until he is home. It sucks.

My daughter has a hard time "dealing" with change...well, don't we all? To a degree. Rachel is like most kids, when you tell them to put something away and get ready for bed they whine, right? Right, well Rachel whines, then it turns into, crying, then she might, start to lash out at us, with words, and then she might run of and avoid the situation. The biggest difference between Rachel and other kids....you can't talk Rachel off the ledge. Meaning, most kids you can talk to them and help them understand why they have to do something. Rachel just gets more and more agitated...more and more uncontrolable. She can't understand